I know I said it was going to be saturday, but I just realized I’m not at home tomorrow :’) so here it is! enjoy! And as always: feedback or spelling mistakes: tell me!
Episode 4: Hunger Pains
All around me people are talking about my song. I think I even spotted someone doing a victory dance earlier. But I’m totally zoned out. I can see it all happening but I can’t hear it. I can’t make a sound.
It takes Nicola at least three finger snaps to get my attention. “Jude? Earth to Jude?”
I snap out of it. “Yes, Nicola?”
“Haven’t you noticed? Everyone loves your song! I’m telling you, it’s pure gold!”
I flashback to my time with G Major. Darius’ favourite colour: platinum.
I think I prefer gold now.
After everyone calms down, they start talking about making this my first single here. The plan is to release a few singles while I’m working on the album, to get people enthusiastic about it so they’ll buy it when it’s finally released. Secretly I think they just do that because they can still back out before the album comes out. If my first single is a total failure, they can dump me before having made the costs of an album.
But I don’t think this song is going to fail. I feel it. It’s deep honest. It’s me. Finally.
I let them do all the talking about how to release the single and I excuse myself with the excuse of being very inspired to write another song. Which I am. I totally lost my mental blockage and I’m unstoppable.
I haven’t quite decided which state of mind I prefer. Before I was blocked, but oblivious. I didn’t have to think about how I felt. Now I can’t do anything else but think.
I realise my phone is still off so I turn it on. 32 missed calls. I can’t say I’m surprised.
I try Sadie first.
“Yes, Sadie. I’m sorry I didn’t pick up last night, I just -”
“I know. We all saw it Jude. How are you? Are you okay?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t know.” And then it all comes out. I tell her everything that happened since I hung up on Jamie.
“Jude, you don’t honestly think you and Tommy are over, don’t you?”
“But we are Sadie! I messed everything up! I never should’ve left!”
“Shut up, Jude. Don’t say stuff like that. Maybe it wasn’t the right time to leave, but leaving wasn’t a bad decision. Look how you’re doing now! I can’t wait to hear your new song!”
I can’t help but smiling. My dad used to be the person to be the most excited about my music, but I’m glad Sadie and I got closer too. I can tell she genuinely cares.
“Well, you will, they want to make it my next single!”
“Wow, Jude, that’s great! Oh my god, I can’t wait till Tommy hears it!”
And there it is again. “Sadie, I don’t want him to hear it.”
“That’s ridiculous, Jude! It’s a song about him, you need to hear it! In fact, you should hear his song too.”
“You mean ‘I still love you’? You don’t even know if he still feels that way.”
“Stop it now, Jude. I’m serious. Snap out of it. HE. LOVES. YOU. You didn’t see him yesterday, afterwards. His face! He’s a mess. He thinks you don’t love him anymore.”
I can’t really blame him for that, I guess. He proposes and I run off to London. That doesn’t really scream ‘I love you’, doesn’t it.
“Let me fix this for you.” Sadie says. “I’ll send you a copy of his cd. Right now. I’m putting it in an envelop as we speak. If you hear the song, you’ll know. Trust me.”
A little spark of hope ignites inside of me.
“Okay. Thank you, Sadie. You’re a really great sister, you know that?” I smile.
“You’re welcome. Now do your duty as my sister and ask how my date with Darius went.”
“YOU HAD A DATE WITH DARIUS?” I almost scream.
“Oh Jude the things you don’t know if you put off your phone…”
Tommy (somewhere on a plane above the atlantic ocean)
“Do you need a pillow, sir?”
I shake my head and the air hostess walks away. I feel like I’m the only person on the plane that’s awake, besides her and the pilot.
I take a quick look around and I see that I’m not that far off. A little kid across the aisle is awake too. He notices me watching hi mand says “Can’t sleep either, sir?” with a cute little Brittish accent.
I shake my head and answer: “What’s keeping you up?”
“My book, sir. It’s very exciting!” He shows me the cover of what turns out to be the newest Harry Potter novel. I’ve heard about those books. They’re a big hit with the kids, apparently. I don’t get it though. Wizards, witches, magic. Not my kind of thing.
“Yeah?” I ask. “What’s happening right now?”
The kid starts talking, using all sorts of made-up words and I have no clue what he’s saying until he says this:
“And then Dumbledore - the headmaster, you know - says that there is no power as great as love and that why Voldemort, - the enemy, you remember? - will lose.”
I don’t know Dumbledore or Voldermort, but I start to see the point.
“So basically, loves conquers all?” I smile.
“Yes, sir. If you can love someone. Really, really love them, with all your heart, nothing can beat it.”
I say nothing but I keep smiling. “I really hope that’s true.”
“It is, sir. I mean, if Harry can beat Voldemort, anything is possible. Don’t you think?”
We both smile and the kid gets back to his book.
I turn around and get comfortable. After a few minutes, I’m asleep.
Dreaming about wizards, witches, magic and love.
After Jude and I get off the phone, I finally have time to do my groceries. On the way to the supermarket, I put the cd for Jude in the mail. Prior. The post better do their work now. She’ll freak out if she sees Tommy before she hears the song.
I’m walking in the aisle with the cookies, looking for that one kind that doesn’t have a billion calories in it, but I don’t find it. When I get up I accidently bump into someone.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” I recognize that voice.
“It’s nothing. It was my fault anyway. I should look where I go.” I smile. It’s so surreal to see him here. I haven’t seen him in months.
“How are you know?” he asks, smiling.
“Good, actually. Thanks. How are you? How’s working with Jamie at Nana’s basement?”
“Good, thanks.” He smiles. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, because you’re the “enemy” but we’re about the release Spiederman’s first solo album.”
“Wow, that’s great!” I say. I can see the secret pride he takes in making this album. I’m happy for him. He deserves it. He deserves to shine. “I promise I won’t tell Darius.”
He smiles. “No, you can tell him. He’ll found out soon enough. There isn’t a thing that man doesn’t know.” His smile fades a little.
“Is err… is he treating you okay? I mean, he’s not pressuring you to do too much work, isn’t he? He can be like that sometimes.”
“I know.” My smile fades too. “He really can be. But it’ll be worth it.”
“Well, he’s giving me more important things to do know. I’m a judge for Instant Star World here, you know.”
He smiles, but I can see he doesn’t really mean it. “That’s great, Sadie.” It’s almost like his voice contains some sort of pity. I don’t need him to pity me. I’ll love being a judge.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you around some time.” I try to get away, but he stops me.
“Take care of yourself, Sadie. Don’t let him use you.”
“I won’t.” I turn and walk away, furious.
What a nerve! He still thinks he knows what’s good for me. But he doesn’t. He never got my ambition. He doesn’t even have ambition!
When I walk out the supermarket, I feel a bit guilty for thinking that. He just produced an entire album on his own, broke away from the safe option at G Major and took a chance. And I think he doesn’t have ambition.
I sigh and walk home. I’m so confused by my own thoughts.
3 days later
I’ve been in London for three days now and still no sign of Jude. This city is bigger than it seems on the map. And it’s so confusing, I can’t find my way anywhere.
And the driving on the left, I mean, what’s up with that?
I know that’s supposedly the good way, the way it was intended and that “we” did it wrong, but after all these years of driving on the right, the left feels like the wrong side.
Luckily I can just drive between all the cars and the busy traffic with my motorbike. I’m so glad I had it brought here. I can’t imagine walking everywhere. Or using the stinky tube.
When I finally arrive at the place G Major rented to hold the auditions, it starts raining. I guess I’m lucky today and I run inside for shelter.
Seven hours of auditions today and then I’m done.
Then I can do what I really came here for: find Jude.
When the last singer leaves the room, my ears are tingling. There were a few amazing singers, but like every audition, there were even more really really terrible ones.
I decide to have dinner in an Italian restaurant. I feel like pasta today.
I find a restaurant in ally where I can park my bike.
Amazingly, it’s still not raining, but when I’m ready to take my order, it all comes down.
Raining cats and dogs, are what’s the expression?
I’m waiting for my food when a girl walks in.
I can’t really see her face, but I don’t care. There’s no girl but Jude.
And then she turns around.
And I should’ve cared about her face.
It’s the only face I know.